Cousin Rufus Joins the Offended
Dear Cousin Cletus,
Here âtis almost spring. Purty soon ahâl be puttinâ tomater plants in the garden. Me anâ ole Bozo, mah hound, has been lazinâ in front of the fahrplace, watchinâ fer robins.
Cletus, did you ever git off-ended? âCause I wuz down at Lemâs Genâral Store the other day and people wuz talkinâ âbout folks outside the holler gettingâ off-ended. Is it true?
When mah grandson Harley was growin' up, eve'body was talkin' about tolerance.
Teachers told Harley he had to tolerate ever'body, even when he knew they did stupid stuff.
So now people get offended all the time. The folks at Lemâs said some people donât stand no more when The Star Spangled Banner is played. Is thet true? Cause if theyâs down on they knees, why donât the announcer just say, âThank yâall fer kneelinâ so quiet like. While yer down there, let us pray.â
The folks at Lemâs say people all over the country get offended everâ week over silly stuff somebody says. Whatâs this world cominâ to? Like Granddaddy told us, âLife ainât fair. Put on your big boy pants and git over it.â
Granddaddy wouldâve tanned our hides if we acted off-ended growin' up. But seeinâs how itâs fashionable now, ahâm thinkinâ of gettingâ off-ended myself. âCourse, Iâd have to practice actinâ childish, cause ah ainât never done it since ah pushed Clay Ledbedder off the teeter totter in second grade when he called me a sissy.
Ahâm thinkinâ of marching by the pool hall Friday night with a signâoffended people carry signs donât they?â-- that says, âI WANT CLEAN AIR. STOP CUSSIN.ââ
And the next night ahâm gonna make me another sign and march in front of Lemâs Genâral Store. This oneâll say, âSTOP THROWINâ TRASH ON THE ROAD. YORE MOMMA DONâT LIVE HERE.â
Ah saw pictures of trash that offended people left in the big cities. Itâd take a heap âo dump trucks to haul it all away. If folks in the holler git the crazy notion to be off-ended, we gotta stop it before the trash pile gets too high.
What do ya think, Cletus? Should I try beinâ off-ended?
If you ever git bored, come visit. Weâll go to Lemâs and listen to whut them crazy folks outside the holler is doing. And ahâl buy you a orange sodee pop.
Yore cuz,
Rufus
Your turn. Any thoughts on being tolerant vss. being offended? Tell us about it below. Remember, this is sometimes a humor column. Keep the comments kind, please.