top of page

IF Dogs Could Text

Did you ever wonder what your dog does while you’re at work? Perhaps he wishes he could text you like humans do when they’re bored. Of course, dogs are smart enough, but they lack thumbs.

If they did have appendages like their humans, here is what a texting conversation might look like.

Fido: I’m bored. When will you be home?

Jim: In a couple hours. Why don’t you go look out the window?

Fido: Because that stupid cat next door is leering at me. He stands on the window ledge and makes faces. He knows I can’t get outside and he’s taunting me.

Jim: That’s too bad. Well, you could find one of my old socks under the bed and chew it up. Get the one with holes in the toe.

Fido: I don’t feel like it. Bring me home a treat—a beef jerky stick or something.

Jim: You don’t need a treat. You’re getting too fat.

Fido: I’M getting too fat? Look in the mirror, big boy. Why don’t you take me running tonight?

Jim: Because I’ll be too tired when I come home. I work hard for a living—unlike you.

Fido: Well, you wouldn’t be so tired if you didn’t stay up late talking to your girlfriend on the phone. Mushy, gushy, yeck!

Jim: Hey, don’t bash something you don’t know anything about.

Fido: Fyi, I DO know how to be a lady’s man. And I’d show you if you’d be a pal and let me run around the block. There’s a cute poodle a couple houses down the street.

Jim: Go chew on your bone. I’ve got work to do.

Fido: So, are you bringing me a treat tonight?

Jim: I told you, you’re getting too fat. You don’t need a treat.

Fido: Okay, but don’t be surprised if your best sneakers happen to be chewed up when you come home.

Jim: You’d better not!


Aren’t you glad God didn’t give animals thumbs?

What about you? Any thoughts on what YOUR pets might say if they could?


bottom of page