Cousin Rufus' Return to Normal
Dear Cousin Cletus,
Ah wuz down at Lem’s Gen’ral Store doin’ some tradin’ the other day. I give him mah extree eggs and he gives me orange sodee pop and store-bought bread.
While ah wuz there, folks wuz talkin’ ‘bout how crazy things is getting’ outside the holler. Is it really true that people get free publicity on somethin’ called Placebook? Ah cain’t hear too well, but ah think that’s what they called it. You gotta have a computer to git it, so ‘course ah cain’t. But they say people take pitchers with their cell phones and put ‘em on Placebook and git folk all stirred up ‘bout most anything.
Ah went home and got to thinkin’ ‘bout it, and come up with the answer to the problem. In fact, ah went back to Lem’s and told the fellers ‘bout it, and they think it’s a purdy good idea. So ah may just make a trip to Washington someday and ask to talk to the big man in that office that’s oval-shaped.
Here’s mah idea, Cletus. The way ah see it, the problem comes down to cell phones. That’s right, cell phones. You see, if folks didn’t have cameras to take pitchers o’ everthang, they couldn’t put ‘em on Placebook and cause riots and such. So let’s outlaw cell phones (they don’t work here in the holler anyway). If yore daddy and mama and all us younguns got along without ‘em, can’t ever’body else if they tried?
You ever go visit relatives, Cletus, and sit in a room full of people thet’s not lookin’ at each other? Last Thanksgivin’ at mah grandson Harley’s, it wuz pitiful. The whole younger generation wuz sittin’ ‘round, lookin’ at their cellphones, and not even talkin’ to other people in the room. And they hadn’t seen one another fer a whole year!
Just think how outlawin’ cell phones would help our whole civilization, Cletus. There wouldn’t be no wrecks caused by careless drivers gawking at cell phones. You could go to the doctor’s office and have a conversation with the person next to you in the waitin’ room. Without cell phones, people would learn how to make eye contact with other folks. Think how friendly that would make the world.
Yep, ah think it’s a purdy good idea, even if a Ozark hillbilly thought of it. You can thank me when life outside the holler gits back to normal.
What about you? Any thoughts on Rufus' plan?