Weird Things Parents Say to Their Kids

Soon Father’s Day will be here, that time when we dust off memories and search for the right card to give to good ole’ Dad.

Did I say memories? Although older siblings provided plenty of teeth-gritting time at our house during my growing-up years, we also had lots of laughter. (It helps.) In honor of zany families everywhere, I submit this list of Weird Things Parents Say to Their Kids.

• “Stop that crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!” ( Kid’s response: OK, but how do I stop the hiccupping?)

• “Because I said so!”

• “Who are you texting?” (Do we really expect a forthright answer?)

• “Be sure to wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.” (I was in an accident, and the ER nurse never snickered once.)

• “Do you think money grows on trees?”

• “Were you born in a barn?!” (Unspoken response, Sometimes this place smells like one.)

• “If you fall out of that tree and break your leg, don’t come running to me!”

• “So, you’re dating old what’s his-face again?”

• “If you don’t stop making that face, your face will freeze that way!”

• “Stop talking like a baby!” (Spoken right after we cooed to the dog, “Ooze Mommy’s cutsey, wootsey sweetheart, oo are!”)

• (To the teenager):” I bought this sweater for you because it’s ugly. I knew you would like it.”

• One of my dad’s favorites, spoken at the table when I was gagging on food with gross textures, “Someday you’ll be glad to get that.” (I’m still waiting for that day.)

In preparing this post, I asked my grown children for suggestions. They claim they pulled most of these out of their memory banks. Surely I didn't really say those weird things! No doubt they're suffering from memory loss.

What about you? Did you or your parents say anything that bears repeating? Now is your chance to record your comments below for all posterity.