Cousin Rufus Gets a Cat Scan
Dear Cousin Cletus,
Last week we got our first frost here in the holler. So now mah tomaters an’ squash is settin’ in the cellar, lookin’ mighty good. Got ‘em all picked just ‘fore thangs turned cold.
Cletus, did you ever have to go to the doctor? Ah had to go to the big city an’ git a test done on mah innards. They tole me it wuz called a Cat Scan, but ah didn’t see no cats hangin’ ‘round.
Ah wuz expectin’ to do thangs the way ole Doc Benson did ‘fore he died, here in the holler. You ‘member how he used to come ‘round an’ visit folks thet wuz sick? Gave ‘em some pills outa his black bag or mebbe a shot if they needed it.
They don’t do thet no more, Cletus. You gotta go to whut they calls a specialist. Makes a body wonder whut’s so special ‘bout ‘em, but ah wuz too backward to ask.
Anyways, mah grandson picked me up and drove me to this big fancy buildin’ whar they takes pitchers of yer insides. Course they made us wear masks. Ah ‘membered to take mine off the back fence, whar ah left it last time ah used it to hold blackberries from the patch.
So’s here we go, struttin’ into thet building like we knows whut we’s doin’. The lady at the desk asked ‘bout a hunnerd questions. “Did anybody in your family ever break a bone? Did your parents ever have high blood pressure?” How wuz I ‘posed to know? Pa and Ma never heerd o’ blood pressure. I wuz hopin’ she wouldn’t ask me the date o’ mah last bowel movement and who our great-graddaddy slept with, cause ah couldn’t ‘member either of them answers.
So they put me on this table on top of some tissue paper. Made me keep mah mask on too. This big ole machine glides right over top o’ me and took some pitchers. Ah wuz hopin’ to see whut mah innards looked like, but ah guess they don’t show ‘em to patients.
Anyhow, thet’s the story o’ mah visit to a specialist. Ah held mah breath whilst ah wuz inside thet machine, jest in case they took a pitcher o’ mah brain. Ah wanted it to swell a little bigger than ‘tis.
Y’all come see me sometime in the holler, Cletus. Bring yore pitch album an’ we’ll have us a good time ‘memberin’ the good ole days ‘fore thangs got so complicated.
How about you? Any comments on getting medical tests? Feel free to comment below.