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A Pandemic Florida Vacation

Parts of this post come from a newspaper column I wrote in 2018. It seems appropriate more than ever, since pandemic regulations have changed the way we do things.

What an unusual year to take a vacation. I accompanied my husband to the Sunshine State so he could attend a board meeting in 2018. (I know, going to Florida in the winter is a tough job, but somebody has to do it). He was occupied four hours each afternoon, so in my boredom, I composed this list of things to do. It fits our pandemic situation quite well, don’t you think?

  • Go to McDonald’s and count the seagulls hopping around, eating fries off the parking lot.

  • Walk on the waterfront and pick up trashed Styrofoam cups.

  • Count the minutes it takes you to make a left-hand turn in front of a tourist attraction.

  • Sing the happy birthday song to one of the dozens of homeless people hanging around street corners.

  • Offer a banana to the driver of the car next to you at a traffic light.

  • Time the number of minutes it takes you to get a sunburn while talking to someone outside.

  • Practice for Army Ranger school by standing still while covered by a cloud of mosquitos (also known as the Florida state bird).

  • Travel to a state park and have a picnic while keeping an eye on the alligators sunning themselves a mere 30 yards away

  • Drive in front of someone with a New York license tag and turn without using turn signals. It’s part of their culture.

  • Pitch pennies into the fountain at the mall and try to retrieve them before security comes along.

  • While at the same mall, stand in a store entrance and act like a mannequin. (My husband actually did this.)

That should get you started on the road to fun. Please write and tell us how you enjoyed your vacation.

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