Solving Life's Mysteries

It happened one summer night. The raccoons raided our sweet corn patch and ruined most of the ears I planned to pick and freeze the next morning. So, how did they know the precise moment to demolish my garden? Did the head raccoon whistle and say, “Over here, boys!”?

That led me to ponder more of life’s deep questions—like the ones below.

• Why does the slice of bread you drop, land butter-side down?

• Why does your mother-in-law come the day the dog threw up on the carpet and you didn’t put away the clean laundry?

• Why does your three-year-old wait until you have dressed her in snowsuit, mittens, boots and hat…and then tell you she has to go to the bathroom?

• Why does the nasty roach that came in the potato bag, decide to crawl across the floor when you have company?

• Why do your clothes mysteriously shrink between Thanksgiving and Christmas?

• Why does the phone always ring when you’re taking a nap?

• Why does the person holding the barbed wire fence for you to crawl under, suddenly get a bee in his ear?

• Why does the child sitting next to you in church, have radar that tells her you have one last piece of gum in your purse? And why does she ask for it the day you have road kill breath?

• Why does your friend at work bring a luscious dessert the day after you tell everyone you’re going on a diet?

• Why does a man buy a suit with two pairs of pants, then burn a hole in the jacket?

• Why does your neighbor’s dog sniff you in embarrassing places when you come to his door?

• Why does the baby wait until you’re late for an appointment and going out the door, to mess his pants and throw up on you?

As you can see, life is full of unexplained mysteries. I’m looking for the person who can answer most of the above. Because if you know, I might want to ask you who built Stonehenge.

Have any questions to add to the list? Don't forget to comment below.