Dictionary for the Snowbound
Did you ever find yourself in a power outage due to a winter blizzard? It happened to us once when our daughter’s out-of-state boyfriend came to visit. We experienced high levels of boredom while sitting around, trying to entertain a guy we didn’t know very well.
For those who may live through winter’s last dumping of snow, we invented these dictionary entries. And yes, we tried some of them.
Blue Darter: Little Junior as he dashes back to the house after going to the bathroom in the backyard because “the potty smells too yucky.”
Chocolate Brain Freeze: Fearing all the ice cream in the freezer will go bad, you devour it before it gets gooey.
Cross-Checking: You identify the person who absentmindedly flushed the toilet and drank the last of the stored water. Then you stand him outside and pelt him with snowballs until he apologizes.
Feral Hogs: When you become so bored you play This Little Piggy on a family member’s feet.
Frostbite Frenzy: At first sign of power outage, clip your toenails in case you are in for the long haul. Better if done before the temperature in the house dips to 40 degrees.
Frozen Chicken Fingers: Having a thumb-wrestling match with the person huddled next to you on the sofa. Most effective if done before extremities become totally numb.
Furniture Surfing: See who can jump from one piece of living room furniture to the next without touching the frozen floor.
Heater Beater: Build a blanket fort in the living room.
Repi-torture: Sing One Hundred Bottles of Coke on the Wall until someone has a nervous breakdown. Then roll him under the blanket fort and calm him by doing your Woody Woodpecker impersonation.
Sausage Stuffing: What you look like while wearing several layers of clothes.
Sesame Street Insanity: Talk to one another in Elmo and Cookie Monster voices until someone develops a nervous tic in his or her face.
Tonsil Tantalizer: Suck on a Lifesaver® until it’s gone without breaking the hole in the middle.
There you have it. Tape this list to the handle of your snow shovel and prepare to be entertained.