Having reached the age when brain cells appear to be growing less frequently, I’ve been thinking about memory. In fact, I’ve been reading a book about building a better brain, in hopes of stimulating my ability to recall some of the facts I learned long ago.
My friend Mavis has a tongue-in-cheek theory about memory loss. She says that as we grow older and begin amassing information, our mental capacity becomes saturated. That is the reason why we can’t remember the three items on our mental grocery list, as well as where we left our car keys. This theory seems to be working for my friend so far.
Adding to the Mavis Theory, I propose another facet. I know what scientists say about our using only a tiny portion of our brains. Pfff! If they lived long enough they would know by experience that our brains become so saturated with info, that more facts create information overload. They would realize the way to gain more space is to transfer vast files of mental information from our brains to those of our children.
I don’t mean to brag, but if the educational community gets hold of this theory, it could revolutionize our lives.
“Junior, I just forgot why I walked into this room. Come here. I need to transfer some brain files.”
“Now Junior, here’s a valuable lesson you need to know. When you get older, you’re going to grow long nose hairs. They gross people out. Buy yourself a battery-powered nose-hair plucker if you want to be chairman of the board someday.”
Then turning toward the door, I would say, “There. I feel better now. I just remembered I was coming to take laundry out of the washer.”
See how it works? I just know my children will be happy to do their part in absorbing some of the priceless information I have accumulated over the years.
I can tell them the washing machine eats one sock out of every load. And leftovers multiply mysteriously in the fridge like rabbits. And you don’t feel guilty throwing out leftovers if you let them get moldy first.
My girls will thank me to learn that men get grumpy when they’re hungry, so females should feed them before telling them about the fender-bender. My boys will exude gratefulness when I tell them girls don’t get impressed when they belch the ABCs and make armpit noises.
As the information snowballs, I can unload massive amounts of brain files. After a few weeks I even may be able to recall the vocabulary list from high school German class!
I can hardly wait to implement this valuable theory. Next thing I know my children will be hanging on my every word.
How about you? Any priceless facts you would want to unload on your children? Add to the comments below.