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Letter from a College Freshman

Packing to move has its lighter moments. I stumbled across one of those moments today while sorting through a box of old letters.

By way of explanation, in 2015 our youngest son began attending a Bible college in Florida. We knew he wouldn’t have much time to write, so, I penned a customized letter to him. He just had to check the blanks and send it back. Parents like to know their kids are alive and well, right?

It’s what he added that cracked me up. Here’s the letter he sent back, with blanks as he marked them, and his comments in italics.

Date 10/4/15

Dear Dad and Mom,

Just a few lines to tell you that

_√__I am exhausted.

_√__I have a great tan.

X I am getting married next month. All girls are taken or look like Cinderella’s mugly other.

_X_ I can now sing tenor. What’s tenor?

_X_ All of the above.

Some school is fun and I am keeping busy. My favorite class is Cultural Communications.

That’s because it’s fun, interesting, and has an awesome teacher who is easy-going and is big on hands-on practical learning.

Some of my friends are Jordan, Tim, Jake (my squad), Jake II, Lauren, Emily, Olivia but don’t take my word for it.

The food in the dining hall is


_√_pretty good most of the time


___don’t know because I haven’t been there in a long while

The sunsets in Florida are gorgeous. I haven’t managed to see a sunrise yet (zzzz). But I did learn that

_X_If you stand on the roof of the dorm you can see the drawbridge on Bridge Road.

Almost climbed up there the other night but didn’t want to get stuck.

😊If you stand on the roof of the administration building you get into a lot of trouble.

If you get caught.

_X_If you stand in the shower too long someone comes along and flushes the toilet and you get roasted alive.

I use the shower in the barely-used bathroom downstairs, cause I gave up on them ever fixing the hot water in the one up here.

_X_If you step your big toe in the lobby of the girls’ dorm you’d better have a good excuse.

Not on Tuesday and Thursday nights.

Our choir has started practicing for the Singing Christmas Tree. They asked me to

_√_learn to sing. -Maybe I should have thought of that before I joined choir.

_X_be the angel on top. Taken already.

_X_play a violin solo.

_X_dress like an elf (kids’ part)

_√_not wear my John Deere hat even though it’s green. With 70 people in that tree I could still probably get away with it.

Well, that’s about all the news I have time to write—I mean check the blanks about. In closing, let me say

_X_I haven’t made my bed since the first week. I’m still trying to locate it somewhere in the bottom layer of my room.

I make it on Tuesday night, before room inspection Wednesday morning.

√√√√√ $end ca$h. Slave labor doesn’t pay much. (Note: he worked for a landscaping crew.)

_√_ I miss the dog.

_X_I haven’t shrunk any of clothes yet.

√√√ Doing your own laundry is the pits. –and takes a lot of quarters. It procreates in the pile, and you sweat through your clean laundry simply by looking at the door to the outside.


Exhausted in Florida.

What about you? Have any interesting letters from your kids? Feel free to comment below.

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