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Pardon, Your Slip is Showing

If you had a free hour and could spend it in any kind of store, which would you choose? While my husband would salivate over an auto parts store, I would dash to an office supply place. Gotta love colorful paper and pens…and school supplies.

Ah yes, school supplies. They draw teachers like magnets. Just as you can entertain a baby with a cup and a lid, you can entertain most teachers with fluorescent poster board and gel pens.

And that brings memories of days of yore, when I taught English to reluctant high school students.

Dangling modifiers were my favorite part of speech. Get teens to laugh and you have their attention. The almost-comatose teens, who moments before, had whined, “Why do we have to learn this stuff?” sat up and listened!

Can’t remember what a dangling modifier looks like? Read on. You’ll also see some dry comments following each one.

“Two sisters were reunited after 18 years at a checkout desk." I hope I never have to use that checkout desk. I don’t have eighteen years to spare.

“While driving around town, a tree fell and hit my car.” I hope the tree had a valid driver's license.

“Does a gentleman live here with one eye named Arthur?” I wonder what he calls his other eye.

“I scrubbed the garage with my little brother.” Did you remember to rinse him and hang him up to dry when you were finished?

“Do not sit in the chair without being fully assembled.” Why not? What would happen if I were only partially assembled?

“This school year I almost wore a suit every day.” Don't you mean you wore a suit almost every day? Or did you wear the pants and not the jacket?

“A green lady's bicycle was found in the alley.” Too bad! I was looking for a bike belonging to a purple lady instead of a green one.

“Running quickly in the winter air, my nose gets cold.” I know. My nose always runs in the winter too. It wants a new pair of shoes.

“When only three, her mother taught her to tie her shoes.” Amazing! What a miracle, to carry a baby while under three years old! Quick, call Ripley’s Believe It or Not!

“Doctors discovered his hand had been fractured in six places during the surgery.” Well, I certainly wouldn't want a surgeon who broke my hand in six places during surgery!

Ah, those wonderful days of drilling grammar into students’ brains. It doesn’t take much to entertain teachers. See what I mean?

What about you? Know any side-splitting dangling modifiers? Share them with us below!

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