Dictionary for the Outdoors Person
Archery season for deer hunters began in the Midwest recently. Outdoor sports and camping are a rite-of-passage for the young in that region. Our son once compiled this list as a teenager who was finding identity in outdoor sports, especially deer hunting. Be sure to check out the tongue-in-cheek paragraph at the end. (I was his English teacher.)
$300 Binoculars: What your sweet little nephew uses for watching birds and squashing flies on the sliding glass door.
3 x 9 Bushnell Scope: A necessary accessory for taking long shots and breaking the fall of your gun after you knock it out of your tree stand.
Air-Activated Hand Warmer: A small packet that keeps a two-inch by three-inch rectangle of your skin from getting frostbite like the rest of your body.
Back Seat: A seat in the vehicle which is occupied by the first camper to spend more than 30 minutes on the rocky ground on which the tent is pitched.
Boone and Crockett Trophy: What you see on your way back to the truck after knocking your gun out of the tree stand.
Camp Site: A 40 x 40 piece of rocky ground which people pay money for, so they can build a fire, set up a tent and eavesdrop on the 200 other campers populating the “peaceful, natural setting” in the 150-yard radius around them.
Emergency Whistle: A little metal signaling device which is left in the tent.
Five-Minute Mile: (a.) The record of a proud and fit athlete, (b) A feat accomplished by a hiker who stumbles onto a 12-inch grizzly track.
Four-Man Pup Tent: A shelter that is wrestled with for the first two hours at a campsite.
GPS: A small direction-giving device which tries to take you through the Northwest Territories to reach a city park five miles away on the outskirts of Denver.
Insulated Camouflage Gloves: A nifty invention which keeps your hands warm and your trigger finger from fitting into the trigger guard of your deer rifle.
Milk Chocolate: A vital ingredient of s’mores that is forgotten on the kitchen table at home.
Mosquito Repellent: Another item sitting on the kitchen table at home.
Reverse: A little function of your outboard motor that you accidentally discover while your spouse is leaning out the front of the boat.
Roughing It: Going without electricity or running water within 50 feet for more than five hours.
Saint Paul, Minnesota: “…Recalculating…”
Scenery: A natural beauty that you loudly call attention to after walking five miles past the 1.3 miles to end of trail sign.
Shootable: A relative term which varies with each hunter. It often shrinks by nearly seventy-five percent during the last three days of hunting season.
Twenty-dollar bill: Something that is offered by a resident of the tent in exchange for the more comfortable back seat.
Walking Stick: A large bug that populates deciduous forests and four-man pup tents.
Weekend Fishing Trip: An excursion solely dedicated to a jerk or possibly a whole group of jerks sitting and waiting for hours for a jerk on the other end of the line.
I hope that you have enjoyed this collection of terms and have found a bit of insight into the world of outdoor living. I would like to thank my English teacher who didn’t assign this for homework and who has burned into my brain that prepositions are not something you should end sentences with.
How about you? Have any outdoor terms you could add to Budgie's list?