A wise person once observed that fatherhood is a condition which men must endure without benefit of anesthesia.
In celebrating Father’s Day this week, let’s recall some of those words which make dads either shudder or develop nervous tics.
“Dad, the toilet overflowed again!”
“Honey, I don’t feel good right now. Could you change little Melvin’s dirty diaper?”
(While eating at a restaurant): “Daddy, gotta go baf-room right now!!!”
“Honey, could you watch the kids while I go to a baby shower tonight? Oh, by the way, Junior has the stomach flu and the baby is teething.I left enough bottles for four hours.”
“Let’s install an above-ground pool ourselves. It’ll be simple!”
“Repairing your septic, sir? That’ll be $2,500.”
“Honey, let’s get a woodstove! You can cut all our firewood to save money!”
“Dad, can you help me with my calculus?”
“Dad, I’m bringing my new boyfriend, Rocky, over to meet you tonight. Please don’t say anything about his lip ring or swastika tattoo.”
“Hello, Dad? My boyfriend and I had a flat tire 20 miles out of town and it’s raining…and he doesn’t have a jack. I know you’re already in bed, but could you come help us?”
“Honey, the engine blew on the minivan today. I had to call a tow truck to come get it and he charged me double because it’s the day after Christmas.”
“Um, Dad, do you have to report a fender-bender to the police?”
“If I tell you something, will you promise not to get mad?
“Hey Dad, Mom’s mom is coming to spend three weeks with us! But I’m not supposed to tell you yet.”
“Mom says not to tell you I dropped your toothbrush in the toilet yesterday.”
Being a good dad isn’t for wimps, you know. This year tell your dad you’re glad he survived fatherhood long enough to raise you. But be prepared to catch him.