Crazy Things Moms Say

It takes a strong person to survive motherhood. Just ask any woman who has lived to tell about it. And if you doubt that statement, try juggling flaming chainsaws, because that’s the skill level a mom needs, to do the many things on her job description.

And so, it is with admiration that we pay tribute to that tribe of women who risked their lives to bear children—and risked them further, to raise the little munchkins.

Consider the fact that your mom probably had to stir a pot of boiling food on the stove while answering the phone, while holding a screaming baby who just threw up on her…after she just retrieved a kitten which Junior tried to flush down the toilet. We can forgive the few times her brain was on overload while making the following statements:

* “If you fall out of that tree and break your leg, don’t come running to me!”

* “Don’t forget to take a jacket.” (In spite of the fact that it’s July and you are going scuba diving in the Amazon.)

* “I hope you have children just like yourself someday!” (said when Junior puts a cat on the blade of the ceiling fan and turns it on.)

* “Don’t speed and drive like an idiot.” (He will do it anyway.)

* “Will you eat this if I make it?” (said to teenage son who is so hungry he could consume five cheese pizzas)

* “Don’t forget to wear clean underwear when you go out, in case you’re in an accident.”

Mom’s rationale: It would be humiliating to awaken in the emergency room only to find the nurse snickering at your ratty undies.

* “Were you good at school today?” (when she knows Johnny will hide the fact that he was sent to the principal’s office)

* “Quit crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!” (after you just received a spanking)

* “You do that again and I’ll give you a spanking.” (said while Mom is on the sofa, recuperating with two broken legs and one arm in a sling)

* “Don’t you want to kiss Great-Aunt Myrtle goodbye?” (when she knows your great aunt gives slobbery kisses on the mouth)

* “Stay out of my closet. Your Christmas presents are in there.” (guaranteed to invite snooping)

* “If you make that face again it’ll stick like that!”

* “Don’t forget to eat while I’m gone.” (I actually said that once to my teenage son.

My mother raised five ornery children (make that three; I wasn’t as bad as my brothers and one of my sisters). She’s a survivor.

Happy Mother’s Day to the rest of you noble women who put their lives on the line to raise the next generation.